Contradiction

I hate love, so much that I love it,
I'm so stupid, I get A grades,
I'm so slow I saved my friends life,
I'm so lucky, I get hurt every week,
I'm so strong, that I fall,
I'm so easily hurt, so I have had my hand bent back to my arm in mercy,
I'm so cold hearted, I'm in love,
I'm so good a drawing, I'm failing art,
I'm so friendly, I'm lonely inside,
I'm so kind to people, I hate myself,
I'm so calm, I'm psychotic,
I believe in God, but am not religious,
I hate the bibles interpretuations, yet I read it,
I'm so cynical, yet believe in hope,
I'm so determind, I'm lazy,
..............
....................
........................I'm terrified of what I am,
..........................Yet I know what I am,
......................I think self harm is pathetic,
.......................Yet I find myself my own victim,
..........................
...........................I terrified my own friends,
.............................I terrified myself more,

My true nature I am sure, I know what I am and who I am,
I know what I'll remain,
For I am:.........
............I'm a walking contradition...................